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It's 3AM and They're Too Tired....

The Hillary machine puts out a scary TV ad, wondering who's ready for the 3AM phone call. Apparently, the answer is that Hillary herself may "mis-speak" because of tiredness. Regarding her by-now discredited story of being under sniper fire in Bosnia, she told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review yesterday, “I was sleep-deprived, and I misspoke.”

This recalls Barack's similar story of fatigue. Last year, whilst conflating lack of emergency response with, what else, Iraq, he misstated the number of dead: “In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed,”  Turns out his oratory was just plain wrong. So he corrected himself, “There are going to be times when I get weary. There are going to be times when I make mistakes.”

Good to know when voting for a President that may need to take that 3AM phone call. 

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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

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